Seriously, what is the deal with Florida?

I know some may be offended by this, but I’m seriously wondering if trash moves to Florida, or does Florida make them that way?   According to Hillary Clinton, Florida is an incredibly important state, so this blog post will kill my chances for the presidency, but it has gotten to the point that I can hear a news story and instantly know that these people must live in Florida.

Doesn’t it seem that just about every time you hear about a hot woman teacher (like Debra LaFave) screwing a student, it’s in Florida?   And how about the Victoria Lindsay incident where the girls all lured another teenage girl to a home so they can beat her up on camera.   Florida.   And how the recent case where 15 year old Crystal Shinkle accused 23 year old Casey Mundling of rape, but the State Attorney doesn’t press charges because they had sex over 20 times!   Florida.   We won’t even get into the state of Florida’s inability to properly vote.   Between the fact that half the people are old, and other half seem to be retarded, it’s no wonder why we they can’t master something like punching a ballot.

Tonight I head on over to Digg to see what’s what in the world, and I see a news story about two teenage girls who robbed a 9 year old girl scout selling cookies in front of a grocery store.   When asked if they feel bad about the fact that they stole money from a child selling cookies, they responded they were pissed because they had to give the money back and now they may have charges.   They were also pissed because the girl is making all sorts of money selling the cookies.   Once again I’m sure the state attorney in Florida will hop right on that.

You can’t really blame the Florida state attorney.   If they locked up ever idiot in the state, who would be left?   The entire state would be run by the elderly.

And I have to say that it’s not just the teenagers and hot teachers in Florida that I have a problem with.   One of the reason I stopped going to shows like ad:tech is because of all the spammers who try to get you to push out their CPA deals.   I started referring to ad:tech as the Boca Bazaar because it seemed like all this scumbags lived in Boca Raton.   ad:tech sells the cheapest booth space along the walls of the hallway as you enter the exhibit hall.   Trying to pass through the gauntlet is near humorous.   It’s like some sort of third world bazaar filled with spammers trying to push out nutritional supplements, mortgages, Viagra alternatives, etc…   It’s the first time being in the online marketing industry made me feel dirty.

Florida teenager hitting Victoria Lindsay in the face

I was talking to Greg Stuart, who was at the time the head of the IAB (Interactive Advertising Bureau) and just made a comment about wondering why all the scummy spammers are from Florida.   He mentioned that it’s likely because of the homestead protection the state offers.   These guys get sued all the time, so they want to be in a place where they can protect their homes.   Greg is a genius.   That’s the first time someone made sense to me about what attracted these people to the state.

After being stiffed and ripped off by seemingly legit companies in Florida, I actually made a policy at USWeb about not doing business with anyone located in Florida.   And the one time I broke it, sure enough I ended up having legal discussions.

But of all the scummy people I have dealt with in Florida, there is a worst of the worst.   Never do business with any guy who moved from New York to Florida.   They are easy to spot; they usually keep their shirt half unbuttoned so that you can see their nice gold chain.   Occasionally they even wear rings with rare gems.   They also have a real preference for Hummers, and have   a girlfriend that looks like something you would find one of those sex tourism vacations.   They all love to talk a big game.   They are, as the Texans would say, big hat, no cattle.


  1. You are right Ed, I did say this to you. When were writing membership policy for the IAB, we half-jokingly discussed if one of our criteria should be that we not accept companies from Florida. We didn’ t do that cause there are legit companies there.

    60 Minuites did a segment with novelist Carl Hiaasen a few years ago called Florida: ‘A Paradise Of Scandals’

    There’s smoke and fire there I’d say

  2. You nailed it,I moved here.By no means do I consider myself some patrician,but many locals make my skin crawl.I think maybe it has to do with hot climates,e.g. Texas,California,Floriduh.They seem to draw extremes and lunatics.That said,a few of the people are extremely nice.

  3. I wanted to knock sense into the little blond bitch “who was pissed with the criminal charges.” DUH

    Maybe it’s the drinking water.

  4. maybe i can offer a a little insight. hardly anyone is actually "from" florida originally. most who live here are originally from the northeast, hell holes like new york city and boston. so they bring their a**hole culture down here. couple that with all the hispanics from south america, central america, and mexico, blacks from africa, and middle easterners who for some reason flock to florida. all of those groups are violent by nature. add to that the usual 21st century problems, destruction of the family, relativist morality, and a host of other pathos, and you get florida–a la la land where no one thinks the laws apply to them, or that gravity works like it does everywhere else. and it's not just the poor, some of the biggest sleazeoids down here wear thousand dollar armani suits. gotta tell you, topographically and meteorologically, florida is a beautiful place. but frankly, the people ruin the whole experience.

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  6. As a Florida resident for 37 of my 39 years I can attest to the fact that Florida has more problems than you can list in your narrow minded blog rant. Florida, like your beloved Las Vegas is for all intents and purposes a service economy. As I'm sure you know service economies are driven by tourism or visitors. Some of those visitors decide they like it here and stay. When they realize that the jobs don't pay well or they don't last long (as evidenced by our 12% unemployment rate and 17%-22% for those who are now working in jobs that pay half or less than what they used to make) they resort to a "whatever it takes to get by" mentallity. That in and of itself is the primary problem in Florida. Desperation breeds criminal activity and immoral behavior. But calling the people from Florida "old or retarded" is quite frankly something an ill informed bigot would say. I can only hope that you don't decide that your articficial landscape and man made lake are no longer a suitable place to live and up root your self to the beautiful beaches and pristine spring fed lakes, that I call home.

  7. We have a lot of poorly educated youth, a crumbling middle class, and nothing but ranchers and farmers beyond the city limits. the jobs are BS and the car maintenance/fuel costs are considerably higher in Tampa, Jax, Tally, etc. The state has many attractions such as Disney World, Kennedy Space Center, sights of Miami, Colonial forts and many beaches. The problem is that these “tourist traps” only generate business in very small areas, while the other 90% of the population (mostly in-land) has to get by on generic commercial development & commerce (Walmart, CVS, MCdonalds, Pop-up malls, etc.) I’ve lived here in Tampa Bay for 14 years and I could go on about this forever. But I won’t – just know: this place is an arm-pit.

  8. Ed – Trashy FLORIDA people? Please – California is ground-zero for “trashy-types”. And who in their right mind would want to live in that rotting, festering hellhole of a state you live in, that is on the verge of bankruptcy and levies some of the highest taxes anywhere in the USA ?

    As a 20 year professional who moved from NY to FL, myself and the 1000’s of other hard working professionals who live, work and play in Boca Raton are truly offended by your callous, untrue and downright unfair protrayal of legitimate businesses located in the Sunshine State.

    ps: Let’s not forgot where the most of the scammers, liers and scumbags who started (and were most responsible for) the mortgage meltdown, and our current economic crisis were located : LA

  9. Most of the cool people I’ve met in FL were from another state. All the natives I’ve met were the following – white trash, dumb as shit, assholes, or racist.

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